If we’re being completely honest, sometimes I’m really frustrated with the way my life is turning out.

I’ve always wanted to do something out of the ordinary. I think that we all want to feel like we’ve done something significant with our lives. I think that there is the slightest fear in all of us that we will fail, that we will miss our cue, or waste the perfect moment to do something great. Even when I was thirteen, I remember thinking that I wanted to do something different…something that would leave the world a better place. And it all seemed a lot easier when my Mom was making me dinner every day and “credit history” and “bills” were words that were never in my vocabulary. If we’re being honest, when I was that thirteen-year- old little girl, I thought that my life at twenty-one would look a lot different than it actually does.

I was supposed to know exactly where my life was going. I was supposed to have a boyfriend. I was supposed to be a lot more patient with my brothers and know at least five recipes off of the top of my head. I was supposed to wake up early every morning to exercise. I wanted to have a good bit of money in my savings. I wanted to be the girl that had it all figured out.

And in my most frustrated moments like today, when my bank account is practically empty and I can’t remember the last time that I exercised, when I burn (literally) everything I cook, and thinking about what I’m supposed to do after graduation absolutely terrifies me, I can hear God’s voice saying, “Sweetie, your life has to go differently than expected so that it can be better than you ever expected.”  

Isn’t that the scary truth? I’m so quick to become frustrated with God because the new and unknown is so scary. When everything you planned is crumbling, it feels like He is abandoning. But He’s doing the exact opposite. He’s taking things away so He can give us something so much better. We ask time and time again for Him to do something extraordinary through us. To make our lives stand out—to make our lives significant. But yet we still want to be comfortable. We were made to be different, and sometimes being different brings hurt.

So when we’re terrified of what is in front of us, when it’s new and scary and lonely and people are disapproving and discouraging, He isn’t walking away. He’s just giving us what we’ve prayed for time and time again.

I’m so guilty of thinking that “having it all together” makes me closer to God. The only thing that brings us closer to Him is to be at His feet. And that never requires us to be perfect. It doesn’t mean we have to have our hair brushed and our tears wiped and our plans set in stone. It means that we realize we are nothing in comparison to Him. We are weak and broken and so unbelievably flawed, but that He is our Dad and He will lead us and guide us and use us and most importantly, love us.

He doesn’t just want us when we’re clean and perfect and pure.

He’s our Dad, and Dads want their children even when they’re dirty and guilty and scared.