Adoption has always held a special place in my heart, but in the last year it has become part of my heart. I didn't hear God speak to me and I didn't have a huge awakening moment, but it just makes sense to me. There are 147 million children without parents and if I have the means, I want to help.

Just like college kids know that they want to be teachers and doctors, I know that I'm supposed to be the mother to orphaned children. In fact, my heart aches for the day that I get to see their precious faces. Sometimes during worship on Sunday mornings I just want to burst into tears thinking about the day that I get to hold them while I sing praise songs. I was up in the middle of the night last night (thanks, Malaria medicine), and I couldn't stop my mind from wondering. Have they been born yet? Are they healthy? What is their poor mother going through? I couldn't stop the questions, so the next day I decided to write them a letter for when they are in my arms.

Dear precious angels,

I've never even laid eyes on you and yet I already love you more than I could ever explain. I wish more than anything that I was with you right now, holding your hand, wiping your tears, and hearing you giggle. You are the light of my life and every day I wake up looking forward to the day God leads me to you. I want you to know that I will love you no matter what. I promise. Good, bad, sick, sad, excited, or lost, you are mine. You can never do anything to make me love you less. There will be a day when you wonder where you came from, and on that day I will be there to hold your hand. I wish I could take away every moment that hurt your little heart before I met you, but I can only thank God that He brought you to me. Never doubt that you are less of my child because you didn't grow in my tummy. God has woven you into me and you are as much a part of me as my own heart.  More than anything, please always know that you have a Father that is so faithful. All the things He promises are true. He loves you more than anything. Don't try to be perfect, just let Him hold your hand. Always remember that you are my sunshine.

I love you,
Momma


And after I wrote that, it all hit me. I'm a twenty year-old girl that doesn't even know the names of my children yet, and yet I love them so much my heart hurts. I could almost hear God whispering again. "Haley, if you can love someone that much, imagine how much greater my love for you is. You know how you long to be with your children? Now you have a taste of how I feel about mine."