I remember the first time I was taught about slavery. The first thing that came to my mind was, "How could we have been so stupid? How could we have thought that it was acceptable on any level to treat another human being like an animal?" I remember thinking that if I had been alive during that time period, surely I would have done something. Surely I would have known in my heart that Christians weren't supposed to treat their brothers and sisters that way.

I just finished watching a documentary on the war in Liberia. Just seven years ago, right outside my window, bullets killed hundreds upon hundreds of innocent people, countless orphans were left without food for weeks on end, and untreated disease (because of hospital closings during the war) ran rampant. I watched the film in horror as soldiers dug giant holes in the ground and threw in dead body after dead body. Mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, and children alike laid shoulder to shoulder. No one to recognize their death. No one left for these children to cry on because both of their parents were in that hole. During the documentary, a journalist talked with the mother of an orphanage. She was keeping 175 children, some severely malnourished, with absolutely no food left to give them. She begged, "Please, even if you can't stop the war, tell America to at least bring us food. We are dying here." This was seven years ago.

I remember being so thankful that I wasn't around during slavery. Thankful that my faith wasn't put to the test in such close quarters. I hoped that I would be different. I hoped that I would stand up for what I believed in. But unfortunately, the way the world usually works is that if enough people around you accept something, you will too. If enough people ignore something, you will too. 

While watching this documentary, I realized that just because I didn't live during the Civil War doesn't make me exempt from my test of faith. Just because I don't wake up and see poverty and hunger and war every day doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I love America. If you were to ask anyone, I think they would describe me as a small-town, southern kind of girl. I am so thankful for our freedom. I love our culture. I love that we are able to dream and know that if you work hard and set your mind to it, you have the ability to become almost anyone you want to be. But I will say that America has done a good job of putting itself in a protective bubble. I can honestly say that I feel like I am living on a different planet over here. 

Of course I want to go home and lay by the pool and listen to my iPod and pretend that everyone in the world is as happy as I am. I want to go to my social events and spend all the money that I want to without feeling guilty. I want to be comfortable and pretend like everyone else in the world is okay. But the raw truth is, they aren't. Some are right outside your door, others are on the other side of the world. They don't live on the same continent as you? They don't believe the same things you do? I'm sorry, but SO WHAT. That does not make them any less of your brother or sister. Jesus says, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat. I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink. I was a stranger and you invited me in. I needed clothes and you clothed me. I was sick and you looked after me. I was in prison and you came to visit me." He said, "Go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." We've done a good job at making these seem like options. They are commandments. They are the gospel.

I'm sorry if I sound frustrated in the this post, but the truth is, I am so frustrated. I am frustrated with myself and I am frustrated with our culture. We  want to hear the part of the Bible that we want to hear and put aside all the hard stuff. We wear our church clothes and our kids hear the Sunday school story and we think that makes us a Christ-follower. Jesus did not come so that we would talk the talk. He came to teach us how to walk. Helping our brothers and sisters is not an option. It isn't something we should do if we have extra time and extra money. We are supposed to love our neighbor AS OURSELF. When Jesus said those things about giving Him water when he was thirsty and food when He was hungry, I don't think He meant we do that once in our life. I think He meant that we do it day in and day out. When it's comfortable and when it's convenient and just as much when it's not. 

I absolutely hate it, but there is hunger and poverty and war right now. We can't ignore it anymore. We can't pretend like it isn't there. I'm not saying that everyone has to fly to across the world, even though some of us need to. I'm just saying we HAVE to care. If you call yourself a Christian, you have no option. I'm just asking us to re-prioritize. Whether it means loving prostitutes, visiting prisoners, feeding hungry bellies, holding orphaned babies, telling pregnant teenagers that they are loved, we HAVE to start making our lives about others instead of ourselves. 

We were sent to serve, not to be served. 

Adoption has always held a special place in my heart, but in the last year it has become part of my heart. I didn't hear God speak to me and I didn't have a huge awakening moment, but it just makes sense to me. There are 147 million children without parents and if I have the means, I want to help.

Just like college kids know that they want to be teachers and doctors, I know that I'm supposed to be the mother to orphaned children. In fact, my heart aches for the day that I get to see their precious faces. Sometimes during worship on Sunday mornings I just want to burst into tears thinking about the day that I get to hold them while I sing praise songs. I was up in the middle of the night last night (thanks, Malaria medicine), and I couldn't stop my mind from wondering. Have they been born yet? Are they healthy? What is their poor mother going through? I couldn't stop the questions, so the next day I decided to write them a letter for when they are in my arms.

Dear precious angels,

I've never even laid eyes on you and yet I already love you more than I could ever explain. I wish more than anything that I was with you right now, holding your hand, wiping your tears, and hearing you giggle. You are the light of my life and every day I wake up looking forward to the day God leads me to you. I want you to know that I will love you no matter what. I promise. Good, bad, sick, sad, excited, or lost, you are mine. You can never do anything to make me love you less. There will be a day when you wonder where you came from, and on that day I will be there to hold your hand. I wish I could take away every moment that hurt your little heart before I met you, but I can only thank God that He brought you to me. Never doubt that you are less of my child because you didn't grow in my tummy. God has woven you into me and you are as much a part of me as my own heart.  More than anything, please always know that you have a Father that is so faithful. All the things He promises are true. He loves you more than anything. Don't try to be perfect, just let Him hold your hand. Always remember that you are my sunshine.

I love you,
Momma


And after I wrote that, it all hit me. I'm a twenty year-old girl that doesn't even know the names of my children yet, and yet I love them so much my heart hurts. I could almost hear God whispering again. "Haley, if you can love someone that much, imagine how much greater my love for you is. You know how you long to be with your children? Now you have a taste of how I feel about mine."

So far this week we have started our "About Me" books, had our shoe distribution, and loved a lot!


Although I've been learning so much about orphanage homes, government funding, and the potential foster care system, this experience has taught me more life lessons than I could ever have imagined. I thought I would share a few.

1. You have family everywhere. I was talking with Andy Postell the day before I left and I remember him asking me what my biggest fears were about my upcoming trip. Leaving my family and living with strangers for six weeks was at the top of my list. He said, "Haley, if you truly believe in what the church is supposed to be, you have family everywhere." I am so blessed to say that those complete strangers have become my family. And it's really fun living with 7 brothers and sisters! Each of them show me a different part of God's heart. This experience just reminds me to never be afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone--just think, we have family all over the world that we haven't even had the chance to meet!

2. Our relationship with God doesn't always have to be clean cut. Like I've said in previous posts, I have experienced an extremely broad spectrum of emotions since I've been here. Some moments I have felt so inspired and hopeful that I could burst, and other moments I have felt so discouraged and overwhelmed that I question why I am here. Throughout all of these days though, God has reminded me that He will always, always love me, no matter the circumstances or emotions that day may hold. I think about my most valued relationships and am reminded that genuine love is not always filled with perfect, cookie-cutter days. For instance, my Mom is my best friend and total hero, but I don't think that either of us would say that every day for the past twenty years have been filled with rainbows and butterflies. We have had our fair share of rocky days! She even cancelled my birthday party when I was little because of my smart-mouth (haha, Mom sorry I'm still a little bitter...)! Through all of that, though, there has never been a day when I doubted if she loved me or would do anything for me. And I hope she always knows that despite my mood swings, she's always my number one hero. Rocky times don't change true, genuine love for someone. And I think that our most valuable relationships on Earth are a good representation of what our relationship with God is supposed to look like. It's okay to be frustrated with God sometimes...because Lord knows he gets frustrated with us! It's okay to question things and be unsure and have bad days. You aren't any less of a Christ-follower for that. He is our Dad and He isn't asking us to be perfect, He's just asking us to walk with Him.

3. Live today while it's here. I know this sounds cliche, but being in a culture that move at least 100 times slower than our American culture has made me slow down too. So slow, in fact, that I've actually read a few books (not a common occurrence). One of the books asked how many times I have actually watched the sunset in the past week. Before coming here, I don't think I had intentionally watched the sunset all year. And when you think about it, seeing the sunset is one of the most beautiful things we can see here on Earth. I think when God painted it, He did it because he knew it would be a beautiful thing for us to enjoy. But how many times do we actually take the time to appreciate His gift? It just reminds me that watching the sunset may be something I need to pencil in before running to the next meeting or sitting inside watching the next reality TV show. How many other gifts of His are we missing out on because we're too busy? Be outside to watch the sunset three times this week...I dare you.